Do the Nooget, do the Nooget tonight!!!

Thus ending, for now, my tour of duty as a road musician.  The end.  But seriously, does anybody know where we left off?  In my defense, the last three weeks of tour we didn’t have free interwebs, we took 2 vacations, and the place we live now has no interwebs either (pronounced: i-ther), so it has taken me a moment to get back to reality and to writing.  So stop yelling.  Jeez.

 

Let’s hit the last-month-of-tour-highlight-reel shall we?  I’ve had to bring up the old itinerary to jar my memory so we’re going to be event spelunking together!  Exciting, no?

 

From Nampa we headed back to the west coast, again.  For those of you keeping track we have now crisscrossed our great nation at least three times.  If I think about it, which I can’t because it brings on a facial tic, it may be closer to four or five times.  We cross into Oregon.  My first time in this beautiful state.  It is number 48 in my travels and 47 that I have performed in.  Yippee. 

 

We played Salem, it rained muchly.  From there we headed back down the coast to Sacramento for a night and on to San Luis Obispo.  Another first visit to these two cities.  Sacramento had a good vibe and good food.  And beer.  Went to a local microbrewery.  Very nice and a block away from the Governator’s mansion.  We were going to swing by and say hello and perhaps share a laugh over the ridiculous nature of the fact that a be-steroided action star was the best choice for a majority of Californians to run there fair state which, by the way, has the 8th largest economy in the world.  IN THE WORLD!!!!  

 

San Luis Obispo was very pretty.

 

We then headed up to Bremerton WA, across the sound from Seattle.  Another first.  Real pretty like.  Again, we had friends in that very town and this worked greatly to the advantage of our sanity.  They came and saw the show and we stayed the night with them.  The next day, whilst the rest of the company started a 3 day 1500 mile trek to our next gig in Santa Fe, NM, we boarded the ferry to Seattle.  Another beautiful journey.  

 

We stayed with other friends there for a couple of days and got to explore the city a bit.  We went to the famous Pike’s Place Market, drove by the Space Needle, and ate more amazing food.  I dig Seattle.  My wife had been there several times as it was the “big city” kids in her Montana hometown dreamed of running away to.  

 

We flew to Albuquerque and took a shuttle to Santa Fe still arriving a full day ahead of the rest of the cast.  We enjoyed the best vegetarian Mexican food I have ever had that evening.  They had an actual dedicated veggie section to their menu.  This is unheard of and I offer suffer for want of a truly vegetarian enchilada or tamale.  They tend to sneak lard into a lot of their food.  Which my wife and countless friends argue that this addition is what makes the food delicious.  A battle for another day.

 

That brings us to the final hell week of this mammajamma.  Follow closely.  Santa Fe, NM to Cheyenne and Gillette, Wyoming.  Back to Greeley, CO.  Then 600 miles back to close to where we just were 4 days prior in Alto, NM.  This drive was also fun as it was my wife’s, our MD’s, and our assistant company manager/swing’s birthday.  It was an overnight venture and we arrived in Alto at about noon.  We were sharing our hotel and indeed the town with a full compliment of biker/musical theater fans.  Yes, there was a bike rally in this town.  What could mix better than a tired bus load of “entertainers” (shall we say) and copious chapters of Hell’s Angels from across the nation? Went to a local steakhouse for the birthday kids and were nearly turned away for not wearing our leathers.  Kickass salad bar though.  Who says H.A.’s don’t need there veggies? 

 

The final push into the beautiful, luxurious, clean-air-having, no-noise-making, no-you-don’t-get-per-diem-cause-we’re-gonna-give-you-this-card-that-gurantees-you-have-to-eat-here-so-we-don’t-lose-money-on-this-venture, NOOGET* Hotel and Casino in beautiful we-wish-we-were-as-cool-as-Reno Sparks, Nevada!!

 

*name has been changed

 

Yes folks, ten fun filled days with twelve scaled down performances in a room where the act following yours is literally a prize sheep competition to an audience who really can’t wait to get back to the Wizard of Oz slot machine.  

 

If it sounds as though I am a bit jaded towards the Nooget, it is because over the course of those ten days, I had an affair with the Top Gun slot machine and Maverick broke this guy’s heart.  Again and again.  The problem with the Nooget, Sparks, and the whole deal was location.  There was literally nothing else to do but hang out in the casino and lose money.  Of course, that is our fault as well because we could have gotten up and gone places with friends with rental cars but the night time, that fickle mistress, sucked many of us in, over and over and over. And over.  When you have to work for 90 minutes a day, 2 hours if you have to put on a costume and makeup (which clearly for the drummer is a must), you need the other 22 and a half hours to blow off steam.  But we’re talking 6 months on the bus kinda steam.  Get it?

 

In all, the Noog as the hipsters call it, wasn’t such a bad ending to the story.  The “Star Card” (seriously) had more that enough credit on it for food and drinks.  The restaurants weren’t half bad, and the steakhouse was amazing.  Which is weird to say as a militant vegetarian but they had a top five of a lifetime mac and cheese there and did asparagus up right yo. The staff was generally very friendly and happy to have us there.  If nothing else, we can all say we’ve made it to Broadway as that is how the show was billed at the Noog.  Not entirely certain of the legalities of such things but being thrust suddenly into a “Broadway Production” of our tired skit certainly added an extra spring in the weary company step.  Or maybe it’s because the “Broadway” version was cut to one act of ninety minutes.  Either way, feels good to be here…..

Sloping Ever Downward

So.  It has been a while since my public (both of you) has been updated on this merry adventure embarked upon some 5 months ago.  Do you want the real reason?  Darkness fell.  It’s true.  I try to be as upbeat as possible for as much of the time as I can manage but in the past 3 weeks the unavoidable in such a situation came about.  I was no longer happy to be out here.  I’ve since bounced back.  I didn’t want what I was dwelling upon to be mass consumed so I decided to run silent.  I have also developed a love for submariner colloquialism.

3 weeks ago we were 7 weeks from the end.  Kinda hard to see the end from that vantage.  Now we are within a month, have 13 days left on the bus, followed by a 2 week sit down.  The added bonus is that our 2 hour and 40 minute performance piece of high art will be slashed and burned to a 90 minute version without an intermission.  Hurray!!!  Not that I don’t still enjoy playing it, but a fellah gets tired.  So before you send the guard of white-smocked orderlies brandishing jackets of straightness, please know that my mental state is back to the slightly askew homeostasis that is known as my happy place.  Or at least a place of fatalistic complacency.  

Some highlights: 

Most of the upward spiral can be attributed to the overwhelming presence of friends and family coming to our show over the past 3 weeks.  We had a day off in Chicago and had  ”Indian Tapas” with my beloved sisters-in-law.  The restaurant was in Little India and specialized in “street food”.  Amazing.  Also, started an inroads getting back to what is important in life.  We got to see them again in beautiful Waukegan IL a few days later.  By way of Iowa, Nebraska, North and South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  That was during a week of 7 one nighters in a row stretched all over the midwest.  Not complaining, just sayin’.

We played Bloomington IL which is about an hour from where I grew up.  Got to see my Dad, sister, and the joy of my life, my nephew.  Amazing kid who brings me great comfort and hope for mankind.  We had an early show so we got to hang out afterwards and go to one of my favorite restaurants.  We stayed in a fancy-panted hotel that I used to play jazz gigs at.  It was interesting to go from being treated like the help to a beloved patron.  Such disparity.

And on.

Next point of interest after some forgettable venues, Naples, Florida.  Clearly we drove millions of miles to get back to where we were a month previous.  Part of the gig of being a guinea pig show for the production company.  Sell it to whoever is buying. Anywho, Nalples was beautiful and we had our first sitdown in weeks.  Our parent company is based just up the road in Ft. Myers so we had a couple of parties somewhat in our honor.  Somewhat.  The theater was beautiful and we had a good run of shows.  It is interesting to me that we were supposed to “really” care about these shows and do our best because they were really really really “important for the company”.  Where I come from, one plays or performs the same show no matter who is watching.  It’s called being a professional.  But I digress.

We flew out of Orlando to Minneapolis where we met up with our bus.  Had the night off and went to a Japanese steakhouse.  Good food and an excellent show.  That is real dinner theater but perhaps I’m a bit jaded in that regard.

This past week brought new experiences.  We rolled from Minneapolis to Fargo whereupon we rocked 1/10th of the Fargodome.  This was the largest venue that I have ever played seating over 20,000.  For some reason, they didn’t sell out the entire arena.  Apparently they didn’t let greater Fargo know that I was on the gig.  But whatever.  Elton John sold it out the next weekend.  I don’t see how he is all that much bigger or better than our band.  The show maybe…I will talk to the marketing people about that.  

They opened a giant door and the busses and trucks drove right into the arena and parked behind the stage.  It was a lot of fun to smack my drums that night.  Usually I get a report from my sound guy as to what percentage of voluminous effort to put on any given evening.  It ranges from feathers to tree trunks.  This was a tree trunk night. 

The next night we played another arena in Bismarck.  Not quite the size of the Fargodome.  Fun nonetheless.  The hotel gave us free drink tickets for post-show.  I don’t think the fine folks of Bismarck knew quite what to make of us show folk.  Hate crimes were avoided but just barely.

Then came another round of familial comfort.  Again I say that this is the best side perk of being on the road.  We have been able to see family and friends that would be far too cost prohibitive for us to see individually.  In Billings, MT we saw Auntie Dee, Uncle David, and Grandma Marge.  We haven’t been able to see them much in the past couple of years and it was a real blessing.  We got to stay the night at their house, have great food and conversation, and treat them to our show.  As a side note, my wife is a native Montanan and treated the bus to a stirring rendition of the state song.  In all 12 keys.  At once.  Quite an ear on that one….

On to Butte.  Here we got to hang out with my wife’s parents and three of her girlfriends from the way back.  Again, it was refreshing to get back to the familiar and comfortable.  Wonderful people.  Not the greatest venue for seeing the “spectacle” part of the show.  The band was 2 feet below stage level so we had to back off quite a bit.  Apparently, I was distracting to some in that the most important part of my show (reading my Kindle) was also the most memorable of what I performed that night.   

The next morning we had a 5:30 a.m. bus call followed by a 500 mile drive through the mountains to Nampa, ID into a double starting at 4:00.  This translates into a 4:00 matinee ending at 6:40, eating a bagel-cream-cheese-and-potato-chip-sandwich and a cup of coffee, and hitting again shortly after 7:00.  Quite a squeeze.  But not as bad as we all thought it would be.  This has been the hell show of legend since the start of tour and I was frankly disappointed in how easily it came off.  Oh well.  Rest assured that I will find something else to bitch about.  The bus culture has somehow deemed this as appropriate, justifiable, and downright expected behavior.  If you’re not bitching then clearly you are siding with management.  Sigh.  The Entitlement Tour 2009 marches ever onward….

In Nampa we were able to see more relatives.  Aunt Becky, Uncle Gary, and Grandma Laura drove some 6 hours to come and see us.  Another blessing and they brought cookies!  We are starting to feel spoiled in this regard. 

We had another beautiful drive from Nampa to Salem, OR with a night off.  Oregon is my 48th state that I’ve played in throughout this quasi-career and is quite stunning.  Amazing vistas all the way capped off by some roadside rivers and waterfalls.  My favorite.  We tried to decide what to do when we got in last night.  I looked at restaurants etc.  In the end we ordered in, watched TV, went to bed at a reasonable hour, and slept for 13 solid hours.  Methinks that that was a long time coming.  I have figured out that there is a 2 to 1 rest ratio between bus and bed sleep.  

Looking back at some of what I have written here, I see the inklings if not broadly painted manifesti of discontent.  Fear not.  I think I’m just ready to go home.  Wherever that turns out to be…..

Facebook and other Harbingers of the Apocalypse

Well.  I went and done it this time.  Next stop Harry Pooter and Kanye West.  Is he even hip anymore?  In a moment of existential angst I drank the proverbial Kool-Aid that is Facebook.  Something I have up until this point avoided and have even been known to chastise.  I have been for most of my life a techno-pop-culture-phobe.  Proudly.  Maybe I thought it set me apart.  Maybe my ego told me that I was on to something hipper.  Maybe, just maybe, back in the day, I thought chicks would dig my aggressively passive snobbery.  Don’t ask, don’t tell.

OK.  So it hasn’t been the worst thing to happen to me this week.  I begrudgingly somewhat perhaps maybe might enjoy the fact that I am back in contact with people I haven’t given much thought to for years and years.  Don’t know just how it happened.  Well, I do.  Too many cocktails combined with a longing for the comfort of the tribe.  There, I said it.  I wanted to belong to this phenomenon that has taken over the youth.  And the septuagenarian set.  And all manner of betweeners.

Exposition and explanation aside, it’s pretty cool.  Great for rekindling long lost friendship, great for networking, business and otherwise.  Also, just about the only way to contact friends and receive an answer the same day.  I’m a phone caller-cum-texter.  And I was late to the texting party.  For the first several years I had cellular technology (which I proudly held onto my ’99 technology ’til the bitter end of analog) I wasn’t even able to receive….what’s it called?  Texts is it?  Anywho, the last couple of years my texting has skyrocketed by virtue of ease of getting 160 letters in whatever order to a friend and receiving an answer.  Voicemail cannot boast such a record.  But Dammit!!! Now there’s this Facebook business.  I am not, as the kid’s said Pre-Facebook, LOL’ing much less LMFAO’ing!!!  A diatribe for another day, this abbreviation of the language of the Bard.  (Who incidentally I haven’t read.  My snobbery only goes so far….)

The week Post-Tejas:  No hate mail from the last post so I view this as a positive turn of events.  Lotta guns in Texas.  Rolled in to Nash-vegas to the beautiful Doubletree Downtown.  Nice digs.  My wife and I frequently comment upon the fact that we would never be staying in such luxurious digs were we footing the bill.  Indulged ourselves in The Melting Pot with some friends.  It happened to be 80′s night and if you dressed in said style, you got a certain percentage off of your bill.  Having left my hairspray and leg-warmers elsewhere, our waiter took pity on the fact that we have been doing an iconic 80′s show for four months.  Bless him.  We even got to hear three different “hits” from our play played on the AM dial.  There were no sharp objects in sight so our party made it through relatively unscathed. 

Then we went some other places.  

We played a tiny spot in a certain town in North Carolina.  We had “venue provided” accommodations at a national chain not known for luxury.  Whatever.  It’s a bed.  And most of a bathroom.  Upon “discovering” that (ahem) the toilet was clogged, I went down to the front desk to see what “we” could do about it.  The person on duty said, “one moment” and then disappeared into the back room.  Sweet! He’s gonna find the maintenance guy.  A bit discomfiting, but even Barbra Streisand poos.  Or has someone to do that particular function for her.  Our hero, not me this time, returns from the back room and presents me with a plunger.  5 star service for $19.99 a night!!!!

We took a vote and decided that, for the first time ever, we would drive overnight to our next gig.  It was awesome!  Most of us don’t go to sleep much before 2 a.m.  We would have had to be on the bus at 4:45 a.m. to make it to the net gig, so our bus driver (who is awesome in every way) pushed to allow us to travel overnight.  Bless him as well.  Got on the bus at 1, watched 2 episodes of the greatest show to ever grace television (The West Wing), slept for 8 peaceful hours, woke up at the next hotel, checked in, and had 6 hours until the next bus call to go to the venue.  Beautiful!!!  One hopes this sets a precedent for future hauls that are more than 500 miles. 

Our next jumping off point is beautiful Marion, Ohio.  Memorable in that members of our cast were seemingly possessed by the devil.  For reals yo.  After the show we had a nice lady approach our company manager with fire in her eyes.  Wait.  Some backstory.  Our show is not racy by any stretch comparatively or otherwise, but it does show some leg, has some cussin’, and has what I would consider in this day and age some PG-13 themes.  The part that I find interesting is what she chose to take offense to.  Was it that the lead girl is, shall we say, promiscuous?  Nope.  Was it that the lead guy hates his father for walking out and thereby does not honor him breaking the laws of God?  Or whoever?  Wrong again.  Ok!  I got it!  She was positively incensed by the Babylonian booty shaking taking place throughout the production.  Dang ya’ll!  That ain’t it neither!!!

No no no.  At the end of the show, the preacher and his wife (WIFE!!!!! They are MARRIED!!!!) dance and apparently her dirty, filthy, should-be-put-behind-bars-or-at-the-very-least-exiled-to-the-isle-of-forbidden-yet-life-given-body-parts breast touched the preacher’s arm!!!!  For Shame!!!!!  For Shame!!!!!!!!  This is not how a man of the cloth behaves publicly or otherwise.  Which begs the question:  How did their daughter come about being?  As far as I know, there was only one immaculate conception “recorded” in “history”.  Just sayin’.

At any rate, the Devil was inhabiting the preacher’s wife.  In the play.  Or as the actor.  That part remains unclear.  Needless to say, this delightfully forward-thinking, compassionate, forgiving, all accepting soldier for Christ promised to pray for the preacher and his wife.  The characters. Or the actors playing the part of the sinners.  It’s all very confusing to me.

Texas Exodus

I will be the first to admit a certain bias against the Republic of Texas.  Largely due to the dark years of the previous administration and the state’s overwhelming pride in being the rightest of the right, the gun-totin’est wild westerners of modern history, the most conservative (and therefore better than you) Biblethumpers you ever did see.  Could be wrong.  Not terribly though.

We flew in to El Paso by way of Dallas.  Easy travel day.  No delays.  In the Dallas airport  I encountered a wonderful TSA agent who was oh so eager to explain to me how we are becoming a socialist nay communist nation and by this time next year the airline industry would be government controlled.  Big Brother would know exactly where I was flying and with whom.  Hmmmm. Goodbye to that anonymity we so enjoyed from a hands-off non-intrusionist regime of old.  When queried about the Patriot Act (couldn’t resist) my new Texan compadre hid behind the necessity of the terrorist not winning.  Fox News couldn’t have made a better case for this.  No, they really couldn’t.  This guy was good.  I told him I had to catch my flight, and he told me that the kindly folks of Dallas were always ready to adopt the fallen dirty commie pinko liberal queers who apparently I was representing that day.

El Paso.  Well.  Beautiful Theater!!!  And we’re done here.

Waco.  Well.  Great uh.  Um.  Ok.  So maybe the hotel was venue provided and maybe there was some behind the scenes dealbreaking going on and maybe that meant that everyone got single rooms for double occupancy and maybe that meant between soundcheck and the show the company manager and I had to walk back to the hotel and pack up our rooms and move to an apartment a couple of blocks away which was just maybe being shown the next morning because there is the slightest chance that it was a model apartment for showing to perspective buyers.  It was a very nice place, no complaints there.  But kind of a pain in the ass that could have been averted if the hotel and presenter had their shizzle a bit more togizzle.  Word?

The presenter then made it up to us after the show by buying a round in the “VIP” lounge of a local watering hole.  Cool right? Except.  Nobody told the bartender or the kitchen.  And the “VIP” lounge ended up being the upstairs where anybody could go.  It felt a bit too fancy to me so I let my wife be my ambassador to the event while I martyred myself and went home to do the laundry.  I am so awesome!!!

On to Corpus Christi.  Stayed at the beautiful Omni Bayfront overlooking the gulf.  The venue was fantastic and the crowd loved the play.  Best response we got in all of Tejas which was a bit off-put as our show may have hit a little close to home.  Conservative values meet the angst of youth who just wanna dance.  Kenny Loggins you beautiful bastard!!!  My buddy Smitty drove up from Mexico (literally) to see the show and we got to hang out over dinner.  Fun times!  Another advantage to being on the road.  Hadn’t seen him since college.  A fun side note: The hotel threatened to arrest our crewbus driver as he wasn’t a part of our group for some reason.  Security was called three times with a threat of police to follow.  Ever the hero, our company manager went to his rescue and Texas marshal justice was indeed averted.  Shewwwww

Then the cherry on top.  Beaumont!!!   Our show takes place in the (yes) fictional town of Bomont.  A sure shot at an adoring audience.  Except.  They seemed to be offended that A. We misspelled the name of their fair burg, and B. Would have the audacity to suggest that they would be so uptight about the kids just wantin’ to dance.  Catch 22 anyone?  They seemed pissed that we would pass judgement on their town in the art form that is musical theater while being confused and further pissed at the fact that the fictional town of Bomont was not their very town.  Confused?  Me too.  They laughed at the “Bomont, where the hell is Bomont?” joke in the opening and that is about it.  The merch lady was verbally assaulted for hawking her devilish wares with the name of the town that we were in that had nothing to do with the town in the show misspelled.  And I had a couple comment on how clever it was that we changed the name on the entire set, costumes, and merchandise for whatever city we’re in.  But guess what silly drummer?  You guys misspelled Beaumont!!! I assured them that quality control was our number one priority. Can’t win ‘em all.

Tonight we got to play on the loading dock in Mt Pleasant.  Drums sounded great in that room.  Seriously.  Felt like I was out with Zeppelin.  Or at the very least, Yanni.  And they made special vegetarian samiches just for little ‘ole me.  It really is the little things.

All things said and done, we played Texas and survived relatively unscathed.  I don’t think I’m going to move there, but it wasn’t quite as scary as I thought it could have been.  I guess when you expect to be burnt at the liberal and literal stake at every turn, and you’re not, perhaps there is room to try and forgive the heros of the Alamo for giving a breeding ground to produce a baseball-team-owning hilljack who lovingly brought us the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, the collapse of  the global economy, the intrusion on privacy guaranteed by the Constitution, the revisitation of torture the likes of which have never been seen in the modern era, and the general hatred of America by the vast majority of the global population.  But I digress.  On to Nashville. Until we meet again ‘O Great (should-be-independent) Republic of Texas.

Drummer at Rest

About a month ago, people began looking at the schedule and saw that we had 4 long bus days and tried to figure out a way around it.  We are fortunate in that our friend Ian lives and works in Detroit.  Add to that, there is an airfare war going on and we actually broke close to even by staying with him and flying in instead of riding the 1822 miles on the bus over four days.  This provided a much needed respite from the road, and it will probably be our last for several weeks.  

You may be saying to yourself, “uh, you chose to vacation in Detroit?  Don’t they have the highest unemployment rate and therefore highest crime rate in the country?”  I may have thought that as well.  But I knew that I wanted to hang with Ian and not be on the bus.  It was beyond all expectation, this Rock City.

I love Detroit!  Love it!  We had great food, great times, and great conversation.  Ian is a world-class musician.  I mean at the top of the orchestra and contemporary music world.  I am in awe of this guy.  And he’s a wonderfully down to earth and intelligent friend.  If one were to stereotype, he is the opposite of what myself and others have come to define the archetypical orchestral musician.  Or, as my friend John has painted them, “Classical Weenies”. We sort of went to school together.  It’s difficult to explain…

Ian’s house is a converted machine shop in a working class Polish neighborhood just above downtown.  The previous owner had converted it into a truly unique and fascinating loft space that is perfect for a percussionist with lots to practice on lots of gear.  And boy did I!  His house is like a veritable alter to the Gods of Drum Porn. He has amassed a collection of instruments the likes of which I haven’t seen since college.  

He recently acquired a high end drum kit piece by piece, and I have never been lucky enough to play on such fine instruments in my life.  Ever!  These drums and cymbals played themselves.  A truly memorable and amazing musical experience.  It’s not often that I get to play on such finery.  Much to my wife’s chagrin in that now I am insistent upon getting a kit like this of my own.  I’ve been working way too hard to produce the sounds that just pop out of these bad boys.  And don’t get me started on his cymbal collection…

It was also great to get a chance to catch up with a longtime and trusted friend in the business.  It was enlightening to see what parallels could be drawn between our two facets of the industry.  The economy is at play in all parts of the industry and his orchestra is facing cutbacks.  I would think that a major orchestra with a large endowment wouldn’t feel the same effect of the economic downturn that many other parts of the business but this seems to be the case.  Even Chrysler just pulled it’s funding.  Scary.

 It was also interesting to discuss different obstacles, the good, bad and ugly, of our respective jobs.  It made me realize that we all face challenges in the workplace no matter what our area of interest.  The perfect job probably doesn’t exist so it’s best to make the most of whatever comes your way.  And he caught me up on what’s been going on in the world since January 5th.  Roughly the last time I paid attention….

We ate some great food in the D.  Even went to a bbq place that had an actual vegetarian bbq chicken samich.  As to now unheard of.  Happy belly dance all the way around.  There was also the delicious Russell St. Deli.  Ian knows the owners and the food was top notch.  A great story to the place as well.  

And for a city in such a huge fiscal crisis, record unemployment and the like, everyone I encountered were very friendly and dare I say hopeful?  A couple of people even encouraged us to move there saying, “Detroit needs more smart young people.”  Being neither, I respectfully declined but my wife might just fit the bill.  All in all, a great experience.  And we got massages which didn’t hurt the experience whatsoever….

Tom Reynolds

Tom Reynolds.  That’s all I’m obligated to say.

4/1/09: All things Rapid

So.  Sitting in our hotel about three blocks from Mexico.  Had many adventures since last we spoke.  Engineered days off, great food, areas of the country not previously travelled, and a new love for the great whipping boy of American cities.

We left Grand Rapids MN and headed for the upper peninsula of Michigan and the (literally) cool little burg of Houghton.  It was a beautiful drive (so I hear, I was sleeping) and our hotel was frozen lakeside.  Very pretty.  Played Michigan Tech who had great facilities and a great theater.  Slept quickly.

The next dark morning, we headed to the second of our tour of all cities Rapid and headed to Big Rapids.  On the way, our bus driver had arranged to stop at the company’s corporate headquarters for a pizza and beer shindig.  Much fun ensued.  It was nice to get to tell the owners what a great asset they have in our bus driver, George.

Important side note:  George is the deal.  He is the man.  Many of us have had other experiences with other drivers on other tours and George is the greatest.  He gets us there in shall I say a timely manner and I have never once feared for our safety.  He is kind, courteous and constantly goes above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that we are taken care of.  If he has any faults at all, it is that he cares for us too much.  A bus driver can make or break a tour and he has made this one.  And he provides endless entertainment in that he is an old sailor and has some salty things to say to bad drivers.  Great guy all the way around.

Anywho, had the party.  Great pizza good times.  Some of our more enthusiastic partiers continued the quest after we got back on the bus.  My lawyers have recommended that I don’t detail this could-be-slanderous tale of libation imbibement, but let me just say that, with great pride, the band was well represented, and oddly, not by the author.  I was watching West Wing the whole time like a good boy.  Clothes were shed, certain anatomy poured forth.  A new bar was set and the gauntlet was thrown.  Only 2 more months to beat this impressive event. 

On to our third Rapids, again the Grand kind.  This time in Michigan.  Had a friend come to the show and got to hang out after the show.  Another responsive audience.  We’re getting spoiled. Thanks Byron Center!!

Clinton Township, Mi:  This place is fantabulous.  My wife and I had been here on a previous tour.  There is a woman there that everyone calls Mom who is in charge of the catering.  Always great food.  Between the shows Saturday was our only chance to enjoy this delectable buffet of deliciousness.  They had neglected to get a vegetarian entree, but fear not.  Mom sent out for something for us.  After waiting for a bit, a guy shows up with two enormous pans of ricotta-filled ravioli in an amazing mariana.  Everyone was already done eating and the other Veg and myself had it to ourselves.  Like a typical Italian mother, Mom kept insisting that I take more.  I am, after all, a growing boy.  More and more cylindrical and rotund by the day.  It’s nice to feel taken care of out here.  Some people take this catering for granted and complain about quality and quantity.  They are the same that complain about everything else so I don’t find this all that shocking.  Errrr. 

 Great venue as well.  It was one of the most acoustically sound places we have played.  It’s nice when a lot of thought goes in to these kinds of concerns.  We played three shows there in two days.  The first two were great with a lot of energy.  The third was a crasher in that everyone was either going to “vacation” following it or had four long bus days as our next gig was here in beautiful, yet far from Detroit, El Paso, Texas.  My wife and I fit into the vacation set, thankfully.  Next stop, the MFD!!!

3/24/09: Middlewesterneasternnortherly U.S.

We have entered one-nighter perdition dear reader (all 5 of you).  When I first saw the itinerary for this little venture, I looked at this portion of it and thought, “It can’t be that bad, can it?”  It’s not.  But it is.  We’ve been going strong for 16 days of shows with only 1 travel day “off”.  A travel day usually means 500 bus miles but no show that night.  We are headed into one tomorrow.  Which is awesome. 

The day following St. Patty’s we had a delicious early bus call following a party that turned out to be in my wife’s honor.  Some of the fellers were having her on by not inviting her and holding conferences as to how to negate any loopholes that would lead to her being allowed to attend.  Very amusing.  When we got to our last show before the shindig, the stage manager called her aside under the auspices of giving her a talking to.  She was led to the men’s dressing room and presented with her official invitation in the form of a wrapped up and bedazzled box ‘o Lucky Charms.  One thinks she knew it would go down like this…. 

We arrived at the party.  On the door and bunted throughout the room were pictures of her in 3rd grade pulled from (evil, evil) Facebook.  They had gone to an actual Kinko’s and had them blown up.  Much thought, effort, and cost had gone into honoring her.  They did, however, put less than flattering dialog bubbles from her mouth, but she (and I vicariously) was honored none the less.  

Early morning bus call.  Earlier for some than others as is often the case.  Fortunately for us, the local Pittsfield Irish pub had last call at 11:30.  We were the mature (read: old) people and went home after 30 minutes at the party.  We head to Jonestown, PA.  Not much to say about this except that I spent Election Night 2000 in the very same Comfort Inn by the venue.  I had ridden with the crew and my friend Tom and I stayed up til 6 listening and watching while Dan Rather spun his down-homey quips.  It was (ahem) a pivotal night in what was to come in the next 8 years.  Ah, those were the simpler times that I think many of us still long for.  It’s really something to see where I am personally and where the world is since last I was there.  Thanks Karl Rove/Florida/Supreme Court for usurping the founders!

On to beautiful Sandusky!  Cold.  ”Nice” hotel. Worlds largest indoor water park.  We have discussed my fear of self-flesh in the public domain so I didn’t partake in the festivities.  Ate potato skins sans bacon at a Friday’s.  Don’t need to do that again.  Who knew that there was so much flavor in piggy?  They did serve as a crunchy conduit of my salt addiction however. 

New Albany, OH.  Great Hotel!!!

Can you see that one should not wait a week to write about places played and hotels slept?

Aurora, IL!!!  The Homeland!!! sort of.  Depends on who you ask in my family.  Aurora is close to Chicago and therefore an awful place in the opinion of every Jolley but yours truly.  I like Chicagoland.  Have played up there quite a bit in my upandcomingness. My family members are hardcore downstaters who have a life long grudge against all things Chicago.  They get the lion’s share of tax benefits.  Their politicians are notoriously and historically corrupt.  Can’t argue that in light of recent gubernatorial indiscretions.  The staunchly Republican men on my family are dancing quite a jig on that one.  Next stop, Obama!!

Anywho, there is a beautiful theater there and we were there for 2 days!! Quite a treat!  Except.  We had a 6 am bus call to roll 400 miles into a 3 pm matinee, catering, and 8 pm evening show.  Followed by a “prom” with manditory attendance.  Swear to God.  Prom meaning, “Meet the cast and crew from Footloose” but some people dressed all prommy.  Free food and drink so I’m down.  Long day though.  The highlight was one of my late mother’s very best friends who: was in my parent’s wedding, babysat my sister,  myself, and most recently my awesome nephew, catered my wife and I’s wedding, and at least 1 million other things, came to the show with her family.  It was quite a treat and they really liked the show.  It means a lot to come across your comfort people out here.  Which happened again in…….

Beautiful Madison Wisconsin.  We left Aurora on Sunday after our matinee to knock out a few of the 500 or so miles to the next gig as close to Canada as you can get without a passport. I love Madison!  Great town and we were there with the night off.  And one supremely special addition. Our great friend Mikey is also there on another tour staying in the same hotel.  He had sweet talked the maid into letting him into our room to leave presents.  Very touching.  We got there in time to see about an hour of his show and got to hang out with him and some cast and crew from his show.  This can be disastrous for some casts but his group of homeys were very cool.  It’s nice to meet other people living the life who aren’t, for lack of a better phrase,  completely up their own asses with self importance.  And I didn’t think I would see Mikey for a very long time as we now work for different companies.  It’s good to see my real people and I got a good dose of it this weekend.

Grand Rapids, MN.  That’s Minnesota.  Not Michigan.  Who knew?  We played a high school.  The band was completely exposed much to the chagrin of the drummer.  Crowd ate it up.  That seems to be an ongoing leit motif (thanks music history 101).  The smaller and more bereft a town is for anything cultural, the more appreciative they are of our efforts.  Some tourist (codename for the subversives in the show) grumble when we play these venues as they are “supposed” to be on “Broadway” already and are completely above and over our little show.  Did that sound snarky?  GOOD!  I love playing these places and meeting the challenges that smaller venues provide.  We sat in LA for 9 days and had the most lukewarm response imaginable. They more or less hated us.  But, “Like, oh my God you guys!!!  We’re like playing LA and like not like Sandusky!! We are so awesome and important and loved by all!!!”  Certain of our ranks shit all over the small town shows and these audiences are on their feet screaming as soon as the curtain call starts.  If not humble pie, these “fine actors, dancers, singers, and musicians” (quotation marks to imply grain of salt ability-wise) could do with some chastened cheesecake.  Just sayin’.  Perspective.

Oh. And I threw out my back. WAAAAAAAAAAA

3/17/09: New’s Jersey, Hampshire, York and Massachusetts

So I’ve been a bit lax over the last 5 days about feeding you, the voracious reader, your bits of delicious tour fodder.  My profound apologies.   Sometimes this life does not afford proper time for reflection cause it gets a bit whirlwindy.  What with the travel and the like…

We flew out of Miami on the 12th.  The entire cast and crew on a single flight.  My apologies to those in the employ of Continental. My better angels ruled the day in that I was able to turn my back on the peer pressure of shots and beers for the two hours prior to boarding.  Not a tough sell as I have on occasion flown while wretchedly hungover and did not enjoy it one bit, to say the least.  

Got to our hotel in Parsippany, NJ and had the night off.  Not much to tell here.  Although we did eat at the Harold’s Deli that was connected to the hotel.  On the menu and posted elsewhere was a sign encouraging patrons to share.  And for good reason.  The portions were ridiculous.  We ordered once and had food for the whole time we were there.

Played a show in Morristown the next night.  Got to play in a closet cum dressing room.  Tightest quarters as of yet.  And yet, we persevere.  I did get kicked out of two different bathrooms at the venue.  One because I wasn’t a member of the union and the other because I wasn’t a rich enough patron to grace what I can only guess to be a platinum and gold gilded restroom.  My kneejerk response was to show them my “all access” laminate and say that this area was covered by said badge.  However, it didn’t feel right to be a wiseass in New Jersey.  I felt like it might tip the cosmological scale…

Next we go to Keene, NH.  Beautiful drive and cute little town.  Except for all the dirty liberal hippies.  I kid.  But no sales tax.  And in order to play there we had to sign a blood oath to the Libertarians.  Weird but whatever.  Anywho, another interesting and new challenge.  We weren’t in the back of a semi, but it was directly in front of and on the same level as the audience.  There was a pit, but it was being used for a higher purpose.  Bric-a-brac storage.  Our sound guy repeated that oft said mantra passed down the generations of sound guys and drummers throughout history.  ”Dude, can you back off a little but tonight?”  Here, I will pat myself on the back.  Every drummer in the world can play loud.  Playing softly while maintaining energy can be a little tricky.  I’ve spent the last 8 years playing in a grocery store pit and have figured it out (hopefully) so it isn’t much of a problem.  And, I love those words as I don’t have to break a sweat.  Sweet!

But then.  Our sound guy came out at intermission and was looking for me.  I asked if I needed to back off further fully expecting that that was the case.   Indeed it was a new patron complaint.  Volume was fine.  The problem was my stand light was interfering with someone’s enjoyment of the skit.  Hmm.  OK.  He changed out my light and it wasn’t a problem.  For seeing the music.  Which I guess is it’s purpose.  Where it messed with my show is I couldn’t read my book unless the stage was lighted brightly.  Any of you who know me can see what a huge problem that this is.  I had to watch the play or worse yet, just sit there and do nothing some of the time.  The nerve!  I am, however, a “professional” and “rise above it.”  Spinal Tap anyone?

Off to Sugar Loaf.  In a pit this time.  Quaint little arts and crafts community.  The theater was a barn.  But a nice well appointed barn.  It felt weird to be back in my place as it were.  The pit wasn’t huge but we were hidden which is what counts.  Good show.  Had some friends come out.  It was a 4:00 matinee so we were done and at dinner by 7:00.  Which is rare and awesome.  We had a gathering of sorts in the lobby that night and much debauchery ensued.  Good times.  ’Til bus call the next morning.  Whatcha gonna do?  It happens.

On to Pittsfield Mass.  Another nice burg and beautiful theater.  The show went great and there was a VIP reception following the show.  Champaign and Chocolate flowed like bubbly wine and Hershey bars.  I dressed up for the occasion and wore my San Diego Zoo shirt featuring the intimidating visage of an angry gorilla.  Pure class.  But, hey, it was cleared by the company manager and one has to do one’s best to maintain the grimy allure that is in line with the public perception of a musician.  Nobody talked to the band.  It was nice.

We have another show here tonight.  St. Excuse for the Irish to be drunk in Public Day.  I happen to be part Irish.  Car bomb party to follow the show.  There were three rules stated in the party announcement.  1. You have to wear green to get in.  2. You are not allowed to talk about the show.  3. My wife Elizabeth is not invited.  I applauded all three!  Methinks these kids are having a bit of fun at her expense but I live with her and can see why people in the cast find it difficult to get along with her.  She’s mean and yelly.  Just kidding my love!!!

Could be a sticky tomorrow as we have an early bus call and a 400 mile bus trip.  Then a show. And on. And on.

3/12/09: Key Largo

Sitting on our balcony overlooking the pool and marina.  The pool is empty, the marina is not.  Beggars can’t be choosers.  Just got back from Coconut’s.  It’s a bar across the way that features food, spirits, and the crankiest curmudgeon of a bartender to be found in these parts.  We waited for 20 minutes to order a beer (unsuccessfully) whilst watching him berate  others in our cast for having the audacity to bother him for a beverage.  And why would you be hungry?  Asshole paying customers who are pumping money into the regional economy not to mention his pocket. The nerve!!! Needless to say, that is how we ended up on our balcony.  Much better vibe all the way around.

Didn’t make it to the beach today.  It is a good thing.  I find myself seeking naps as though sleep were a finite commodity.  3 months out, I have discovered that bus sleep is not real sleep.  I have a nice set up with an egg crate, pillow and blanket that I spread on the floor across the aisle which is entirely serviceable but still not real sleep.  I end up dreaming about traveling by bus.  Add to that, a few (dozen) 7 am bus calls and sleep becomes a long lost friend at times.  I feel like a man-squirrel gathering up sleep-nuts for the long cold winter.

Something new.  We rolled into our venue tonight which was at a private resort community where rumor has it, the cheapest dump of a dwelling cost several million.  And Frank and Kathy Lee have some digs there.  What better company could one keep? Anywho, the presenter was a resident and bought the show personally.  That doesn’t happen much if at all.  Methinks someone as an unhealthy attachment to the catalog of awesomeness of one Kenny Loggins.  Which is cool…..

We found out earlier in the day that the band would be…. wait for it…. wait for it…. on/in the back of one of our semi trucks.  ”Surely you jest” you may find yourself saying.  I jest you negative.  ”An exclusive community has the civic wherewithal to build a theater but neglected to put in a pit?  The most money you’ve ever been around and not even a tent?” you may exclaim in an astonished fashion?  It’s true.  And not as bad as you might think.  Our crew fashioned some air flow with various fans placed strategically for maximum effect and the acoustics were better than some of the venues we have already played.  It was a fun homage to the flexibility of our merry band of misfits.  Definitely not our worst day at the office.  And the catering alone made the company manager call the booking agent today to request the same venue for the next tour.  (Except those pesky carnivores in the cast ate all the veggie stuff before the 2 vegetarians, myself included, made it through the line…) All in all, a good day.

and tomorrow we fly to jersey.  Good bye paradise.  At least tonight’s bartender prepared us for the culture shock.  Just kidding!  I love you New Jersey!